Ahhhh, I’m finally back at the keyboard. Long trip. I try to not write until I can say something positive… like the childhood phrase “if you can’t say something nice, don’t…” it’s like it imprinted!
So. I was having a hard time digging deep. Stopped somewhere along the road at a pitstop called Feeling Sorry For Myself. Then I talked to a friend with a similar condition. Only worse. We were both taken from our families for procedures. We were both alone and afraid and in pain. But she endured a procedure that I think it would be unfair to even begin to find words to describe. I mean, like 1000 times worse than what I went through. And you know what? she was so Strong and So Brave, she was checking in on me.
And that is just enough to pull my sorry butt out of the garbage and get back to dreaming. ~thank you~
When nothing goes the way you think, or hope, or pray that it will. When you manifest and journal, and eat right, and meditate, and you still don’t get your way what do you do? Do you throw in the towel? Get Angry? Feel Sorry for yourself? Check out? or Do you put on your big girl pants and get back in the fight? Find your faith. Locate a tiny spark of hope hidden deep, deep, down in the dark. Ask yourself what kind of life do you want to live? What kind of person do you want to be?
I have a friend that has been in a wheelchair for 7 years. SEVEN years. Young girl. Freak accident. And you know what, she’s not bitter. She’s breaking new territory learning to walk again! My friend got a shunt this week, endured hours upon hours of torture, testing, surgery, only to find out that it’s not working. Back to square one. And she’s holding me up. Geez.
So when you step back and put it like that. I guess it’s time to peel off the yuck. Scrub the self pity from my pores. Stand up and fight another fight.
Doesn’t that just feel much nicer? It’s like a sigh for your soul. Yes thank you. I’d rather dream my improbable dreams laying down, than stand up and get lost in the rat race and forget the hope. Maybe this is MY reset button. Maybe great things are coming. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll look back on this experience and smile at the memory of someone I met or something I learned along the way.
In the meanwhile, I’m back to bed. Spending time on my Pinterest dream boards. Deciding exactly how big and how Improbable I should dream. It’s more fun that way.
Create your Sunshine Life. Let yourself dream the improbable, a treasure, something you love. Go ahead. It’s ok, let loose.
Sunshine 
Sharing your story with family as I deal with my own CSF leak journey. And also with others working so hard to get a CSF leak dx as I tell them the dx is the beginning of an entirely different journey. Each time I read and re-read your entries I am in awe of you and just want to say thank you for sharing.
Not sure if you will ever see this as I think you might have moved on from this blog. If not, would you mind posting a brief update about how you are doing? Wishing you all the best!
Hi Kim, you’ve inspired me to reopen the blog. Oh my it’s been awhile. I’ll put up a new post in the next couple of days. Best xxoo