Today, has been a particularly hard day. I don’t think we’ve had more than 4 hours of sleep a night since the Super Moon started messing with us. Our kids are so sensitive to the moon. Any big moon is sure to send us out of control for a day or two, but this one really left it’s mark! And to add insult to injury, my son was up vomiting all night, so we really, REALLY have not had sleep in days. I still cannot sit up or stand for more than about 3 hours without pain, and sometimes, I feel like there is just not a single drop left in my tank. I wonder how I can possible take any more?
(I felt like kicking this guy in the teeth because
whoever said this never had a spinal fluid leak or a modified diet
or hypersensitive kiddos… I digress…)
I ran to Costco this afternoon, and when I got home I reached under the sink to grab something and saw a brown bottle of hydrogen peroxide. Amazing how the smallest signals can send you into a memory, isn’t it? Peroxide made me think of my home, and growing up, and the magic brown bottle bubbling on a recently grazed and bloodied knee. And I smiled at my life.
I felt overwhelming and intense gratitude that I’m a mom with hydrogen peroxide under my sink. That I was cleaning out my fridge so I could place a big fresh shopping trip filled with meats and vegetables. I was grateful to be able to stand up long enough to do it myself. I think it’s the first time in a year I’ve been able to stand long enough to shop and put my own groceries away. Actually, I know it is.
For a moment I was washed over with gratitude for my life, exactly as it is. Pain, mess, sleepless nights. I felt glad it’s exactly as it is, to be dancing in my kitchen alone while my wonderful husband has the kids out for a bike ride before bedtime. I stopped wishing and wanting and pining for the life that I used to have, or I used to think I had, or I used to think I wanted… and I just fell head over heels in love with exactly where we are right now.
I felt like my chest would split open with joy. And of course, when they came home there were the tears and drama of bike crashes and brushing teeth, but I took it in stride. This is my life, every dirty little corner, and I do kind of love it. Exactly as we are.
Of course, I keep my gratitude/manifesting journal close and have plenty of conversations with the Universe about the humble changes (sleep, standing, eating a variety of food mostly) I’d love to see in the near future. But for now, in the midst of chaos, I love it here.