4 years & 4 months

It has been 4 years and 4 months since the accident.  Mostly, I’m better. But sometimes, when it rains, or when I’ve been upright for more than 6 hours, I feel the pain. It can be a giant electrical bolt thru my brain without warning. Or, a giant, putting his fist in my head and alternating smashing and pouring acid. Sometimes, it’s just an overall ache in every muscle and bone and I don’t realize how much, until I fall into a heap on the couch.

And on those days. I feel sorry for myself. I curse Spinal Fluid. And I curse leaks. And I curse Rebound High Pressure. And Blood Pressure. And the pressure in a storm system.  And I remember it has been 4 years and 4 months of this crap. And I feel like, it’s just not fair.

But, when I stoop in pain to wash my face, I remember the pure pleasure of warm water. I remember months of not leaving my bed and what real pain was. And I am grateful. Because here is better than there. It’s so so so much better.

So what can I tell my fellow leakers? My loves. Well. It’s worth moving. I’ve lived in Bali and Mexico and traveled around the world twice in the last 2.5 years. I run from the rain. Quite literally. I have far less pain at sea level. So we choose to live near the sea. That relieves a lot. I also am severely effected by barometric pressure, humidity and precipitation.  So we typically avoid the rainy season. Of course, Mother Nature is not a docile girl and she does what she wants. But, if I can reduce the amount of storm systems I sit thru it definitely reduces my pain.

Turmeric is my best friend. Because I travel, I can no longer afford the luxuries of pain meds as I did in the states. It just isn’t an option. But I do take turmeric religiously and if I run out, I feel it within days.  I also splurge on regular body work sessions to continue to increase circulation.

My life is still a patchwork of guessing if I’m in high pressure or low pressure. I watch clouds and storm systems and I have quite a few apps that monitor elevation, humidity and barometric pressure. And I do hurt. More than I wish I did. But there is definitely life out there. There is a big beautiful world to see and smell and touch and hear. And if you can plan it just exactly right, and the stars align and your prayers are answered, there are beautiful, magical, pain free weeks. And I definitely enjoy them more.  So I think, although I’m really (really) ready to heal, I’m also not regretful of the experience. It has molded me and changed me and taught me so much.

I’ve traveled the world looking for magical answers and healing. Maybe I’ll start telling you the story. It’s pretty wild.



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